Naheel Al Qassas Story 22

Day thirty one of the war…

I miss my little curly blonde niece.

My niece is 3 and a half years old and she is as sweet as butterflies. She is also mischievous, and loves to have fun and dress well. And she LOVES ice cream! She eats ice cream in such a way that makes anyone watching her eat crave what she has! One of her happiest moments is when she puts some lipstick on me, then on herself, and we go out or take some photos and videos. She never loses her smile when she sees me, for the two of us are one heart split into a big and a tiny body. Elia has a younger brother named Omar, a brown-skinned, handsome 1.5-year-old. Him and his sister are a piece of my soul.

This damned war forced us apart, and I haven’t seen them since it started. I miss seeing them very much. I long to hold and play with them.

I had planned to take Elia to an arcade on the weekend but we had a rendezvous with war instead. I feel very sad we couldn’t go because Elia loves the sea and loves Kids’ Land play area, especially jumping on the trampoline.

Since the beginning of the war, we had major difficulty with communications. I try over and over again to catch a signal to check on them and video-chat!! Once I finally succeeded, elia saw my face, smiled, and said: “Auntie, I’m scared. I want toys and sea! I love you and miss you a lot!” Then she stuck her face to the phone screen as if she wanted to jump into it and hug me! Elia started crying hysterically. So her mom, my sister Suhad, took the phone and told me that Elia is terrified and whenever she hears explosions at night, she asks if those were for a birthday party!! She added: “What is this, mommy?? But I’m very scared mommy!!” Then she opens her two little hands up to the sky and says: “God please let the shelling stop!!”

Recently, Elia was finally sleep trained to be in her room, but now she only wants to sleep next to her parents in a desperate attempt to ease her fears! She asks when the bombing will end and when I can take her to the beach or to the play city… and how do I answer such questions to a baby girl?!

My sister Suhad discloses how her heart bleeds at her inability to procure Elia’s craving for bananas in these difficult times, and her cries: “Daddy, I want a chicken and an egg now.” We cannot secure a banana, a chicken, or an egg!!!!! How can we explain to a little kid that there are no bananas, eggs, or chicken in Gaza?! how can a three-and-a-half-year-old understand what is happening?! I feel my heart about to rip off my chest out of pain for her and all the children of Gaza, and for the adults who die of heartbreak trying to care for their children under these ugly circumstances.

Doesn’t every child have the right to access a safe space to play and have fun, and a clean environment with greenery and parks?

Doesn’t she have the right to feel love and security?

Don’t children have the right to be protected in crises and wars?

Since October 7, I have not held Elia or Omar. And for a few days now, I don’t know if they are alive. And if they were alive, I don’t know if they feel hungry, thirsty, or sick. I don’t know if any of my family members have died or survived, nor do I know if my dearest Elia and my little Omar feel scared and alone, without a cuddle to comfort them… and my sister… I don’t know how she spends her days. As for me, I discovered how to die a thousand times without departing life.

We are alive but we are not ok; but we are standing tall and steady, and to God we entrust our children and ourselves. As the situation increases in complexity and brutality, I pray for a miracle and a divine intervention that renders this night the last of these wretched nights.

Always thanks and grace to God; may He be our aid.

Naheel Al Qassas
Mental Health Professional, UPA – Gaza, Palestine
23 November 2023

To read all stories in the series: http://upaconnect.org/category/gaza2023